last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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