Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
