the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We just shotgunned beers for America
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
