I wish I could punch you in the face.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
