someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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