I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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