If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
