dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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