whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
