i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
