she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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