On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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