My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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