I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
