i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
