She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
