I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
