I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sobbing to NWA
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
