If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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