Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
