I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
