Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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