apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
