I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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