I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
