so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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