Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
