remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
