And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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