PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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