he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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