Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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