I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's Friday. Sex?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
