Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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