ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
