It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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