PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
