I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
