Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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