it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
