Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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