Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
