Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
