I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
