I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
