she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hippo gnu deer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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