you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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