I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
