they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
