But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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