youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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