you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
