i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.