just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.