that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?