How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.