3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
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I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
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That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry