you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the gays at disneyland are vicious
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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