So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
