I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
