The best revenge is premature balding
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
