i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
