I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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