I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
