We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize