8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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