Apparently you make a good broom.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
