oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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