So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
