between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
